That I’d rather not tell you
anymore about the behaviour of our colleagues
because I am afraid
that you will not be able
to draw consequences for their behaviour
so maybe it is better
for our friendship
if you do not know
what they are capable of
so that I can still believe
that you would be by my side
if you just would have known …

and you disagree
and tell me that
you have ended friendships before
if necessary and there is no question
for you
that you would do it again

I can not contradict you
because who am I to
tell you that

words are easy spoken
and the things we believe we are
we seldom really are

I also once thought
that I am
a good person
but I know now
I am just
a wrong person

I am okay with that

my wrongness

my hysteria

my nothingness

I am okay

if I could choose
I would love to believe you

but there is all the fairy floss
on the ceiling
from the last bloody ride
and there is the clown
luring under my bed
and than there is
this burning rash
which covers
my skin from the inside

and did I already tell you
that I cannot cry anymore

as all my tears are drunk
by the void before
they can flow

when she calls
I pick up the phone
it’s not convenient right now,
I say, my father maws the lawn

if I could choose
I would love
to believe
in anything

the clown now has my rash
he eats the void, I fairy floss