I am a ghost
(again and again and again)

I read about inventory or inventing
I write a list made out of plastic

some of the things I bought last week
are a bicycle lock, a cleaning stone,
2 cash boxes and 12 book stands

my tongue is open
because I ate too much
acidic food
(I also chewed meat
sitting next to my married boyfriend
and my father)

I am a ghost
(again and again and again)

I only pick up the phone
every forth time

some of the things I thought last week
are walls (in various colors), isolation,
my head in a wall and my head
in isolation

Suzanne Scanlon wrote in
Commited : I liked disappearing.
Especially that. Not really
an I (S. 36)

An app tells me it could help me
to disappear for a year
to become a better version
of a self (not mine)

I consider it (I know I would do it
if it would be for real if I really
could get that for money:

my complete disappearance

the people who won’t let you go
and the people who forget you

and your no which is worth
nothing but a dance

I am a ghost
(again and again and again)

The best the word crazy
can do is point to something
on the surface, a symptom.
It is not the story. (S. 2)

Suzanne Scanlon was institutionalized
and stayed there for years
I was never (sometimes I wished
for it, it never happened)

I didn’t even commit
myself to that

just drifting
without any direction

needed

by now you know :

I am a ghost
(again and again and