maybe it is not good to stand next to me

at a bar / at a reading / at the hairdresser

there are better people to stand next to

m has translated me to

mi cabeza quiere estar sin mí

I do not understand it, but I know the meaning

trying not to call you

sé que no debo
extrañarte

things that went wrong in August,

trying to be neoprene and then crying triggered by azul

taking the wrong direction like 3 times

not leaving the house for a week telling everyone I was too sick (and maybe I was I really can’t remember but my ear was hurting and my heart was shattered into the void)

crying over men again although I should have really known better

this time

tensión superficial, un zumbido
desde las puntas del enojo
cada uña se quiebra,
la yema se derrite

maybe sth will change this autumn

it is eclipse season did anyone already tell you that

and I will stand on stages again

reading unpublished manuscripts

sometimes thinking that

I will never make my debut as an author

and I will never have a child

and I know I should not be unthankful

it is not an equation and it is not fair to say

but could I at least

while society tells me that

I have no worth being not a mother

tells me that

my writing has no worth unless I have a published novel

even if I publish texts all the time

even if I

that I am nothing