Yesterday my psychiatrist diagnosed me

and doubled my dose

I think about roller coasters and

people in marrying them 

she tells me –

You should not feel like that

The first time I met my father

I realized a shift in the universe

and an irreversible body of femininity being formed

He once gifted me with a guinea pig

and it was killed by a cat

Since then, the only animals I don’t detest 

are cats

My psychiatrist tells me

that she isn’t able to categorize

what’s the chicken or the egg

in this story

A guy I sleep with once made fun

of flashbacks

while I had a flashback

Maybe I should tell him

The last time I met my father

I felt my brain being shot out

and I could see

pieces of my limbic system

freely floating through space

He wanted to hold me like a baby

I’ve let him 

I am being told

that I have no boundaries

I want to be a poem

or melt into another person’s body

The person I sleep with

has not yet been given

a role in this story line

but I think about

the absurdity of airplanes

and how the word resilience

is used for living and nonliving objects 

I identify 

as insane

but my psychiatrist tells me that my actions

are justified and logical

Being told what I don’t want to hear

will cost 160 Euros

and cause an unidentifiable emotion 

in my entire system