I was lying in bed
crying thinking this is not
the reality I want
the world the abuse the missing
of people I really should not
knowing that
this is the reality I want
all the connection and love
and being content with
jellyfishes & ghosts and
never being too much
to handle anymore

so this is the reality
wheter I want it or not
always dealing with the past
while trying to stay in the present

it is always possible to just
lie myself on the ground
feeling that I am here now
know one is able to hurt me
even if sometimes it draws me
back in and I feel like

I am in that place again

but I will never be in that place again

I just never will