Context: https://diegelbetapete.com/2026/08/17/chronlogy-of-shame-pretext/
I constantly need a reminder of reality, instead of checking in to confirm my nonreality impression.
I am so on edge in the relationship with him that I cannot think straight as soon as he is here and especially as soon as I make one single mistake again. Then it all starts to spiral, he gets on edge and there’s no breaking point.
Now I got out of his car in front of my house because I didn’t want to attract the neighbors‘ attention again, and I don’t know what to do – should I text him? Should I leave him a voice message? Should I do nothing? What is the right thing to do? And here it is, again my thought stream of confusion about what’s right and I am so stuck – it’s like back when I was… and I cannot remember anything from that moment. It’s constant memory override, escaping the reality. I have a bad feeling and I am not running away but I do not know how to act upon it, how to not react.
…
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