Context: https://diegelbetapete.com/2026/08/17/chronlogy-of-shame-pretext/

In one week, we had two fights. I felt maneuvered into a corner, judged by the questions hurled at me, while he was merely genuinely asking and I forgot what it felt like to be asked. And I pushed his only trigger, his most intense trigger, saying that I would now be careful what to say not to run into such a moment again. This made him feel shunned and left out and overprotected. We were both pushed into our corners and there was no getting out. In my reaction I did not calm him as he needed to be calmed. He did not refrain from asking, as he should have.

The second time left him wondering whether this was right at all, whether we were right at all. He gave us a way out – finally saying what we truly felt for each other. So I spit it at him. Yes, I love you. And that’s fucked up. And he said that he did too. We grew silent. Then we laughed.

His theory is that the tension has been so crisp because we both had felt it and we had been too shy and he didn’t want to be the first and I didn’t know what that would mean because so far it had always meant to sell my soul.

I did not sell my sould this time by being truthful to my feelings.

And it’s a beautiful new experience to love and stay free. Time will show whether this is a love that I can maintain over a longer period of time, whether it will stay, whether it will truly take us past these two conflicts and help us process each other’s grief for I feel there is so much inside the both of us.

I love him. I love his being. I love how he lives. And I love how he loves. I just have to learn that he does the same for me and that I am okay the way I am.

…

L – the leap one makes from one’s own person to another, and the leap of faith that crisps the air and grows the moment wings in-between each other.

O – how omniscent one feels and also of the fact that nothing is a given, and everything is the most precious it can be.

V – vertigo.

E – escapism into another dimension, a parallel universe came down on earth with just the right amount of loopholes to hide and exist only for each other.

Time travel must feel like this.

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