Kategorie: riesuta
-
chronology of shame | #24
Context: https://diegelbetapete.com/2026/08/17/chronlogy-of-shame-pretext/ Übers Wochenende waren wir, er und ich, in X. Wir hatten das ganz spontan am Freitag entschieden, um einmal einen Tapetenwechsel zu bekommen. Es war großartig – wir waren einfach wir zwei, wir haben nur das gemacht, worauf wir Lust hatten… – Er hat mich angerufen. Wir haben 2 Stunden geredet und ich habe…
-
chronology of shame | #23
Context: https://diegelbetapete.com/2026/08/17/chronlogy-of-shame-pretext/ I am tired, yet also strangely content. Our streak of fights has not yet come to an end and we are both exhausted. We are not trading lightly though. Yesterday, I’ve learned that whenever I feel caged and robbed of my new-found freedom, I panic. I cannot react genuinely, I cannot be the bigger…
-
chronology of shame | #22
Context: https://diegelbetapete.com/2026/08/17/chronlogy-of-shame-pretext/ Die Krankheit zieht sich diesmal lange und ist äußerst schwer zu fassen. In der ersten Nacht vor genau 1 Woche Halsweh. Am Tag darauf beständig. Dann Husten und laufende Nase. Ab Tag 3 leichtes Fieber, seitdem beständig. Frage mich, wann das endet. Frage mich, ob es überhaupt noch ist. Nehme seit Tag 4 fiebersenkende…
-
chronology of shame | #21
Context: https://diegelbetapete.com/2026/08/17/chronlogy-of-shame-pretext/ Correction: The past 10 days were tough. Today, I am really sad. Deep down. I feel stuck in the wheel, I keep messing up and me not loving myself most in our shared moments leads to crazy outrages and misunderstandings. Why is it so hard for me to speak my wishes, my desires? Why…
-
chronology of shame | #20
Context: https://diegelbetapete.com/2026/08/17/chronlogy-of-shame-pretext/ The last 3 days were tough. I went on a date with someone who was literally among the 6-7 people he would not want me to go on a date with because of past shared experiences. I cancelled further dates, but in a way that exposed him negatively on Monday. His phone went out…
-
chronology of shame | #19
Context: https://diegelbetapete.com/2026/08/17/chronlogy-of-shame-pretext/ In one week, we had two fights. I felt maneuvered into a corner, judged by the questions hurled at me, while he was merely genuinely asking and I forgot what it felt like to be asked. And I pushed his only trigger, his most intense trigger, saying that I would now be careful what…
-
chronology of shame | #18
Context: https://diegelbetapete.com/2026/08/17/chronlogy-of-shame-pretext/ Crazy days and nights, the level of crazy I missed, I’ve always felt inside of me. The level of desire, freedom & curiosity I’ve always been so desperate to entertain in my life. Maybe a little too little art, but we’ll see how we’ll be able to incorporate that at some point. He’s curious…
-
chronology of shame | #17
Context: https://diegelbetapete.com/2026/08/17/chronlogy-of-shame-pretext/ … When I saw that he’d been online at 1 pm the last time but had his flight mode turned off, I thought either he fell asleep or he was having sex. And I thought that he’d enjoye both. And I genuinely thought: good for you. …What I did not like was that they…
-
chronology of shame | #16
Context: https://diegelbetapete.com/2026/08/17/chronlogy-of-shame-pretext/ The past days flew by at the speed of a space shuttle. I feel equally catapulted into new worlds, new scents, old ideas, new intentions. From X to X, I was with him and X in X at his home. This was such a bold move to invite me. And we functioned so well,…
-
chronology of shame | #15
Context: https://diegelbetapete.com/2026/08/17/chronlogy-of-shame-pretext/ … I feel dizzy and spent and it all feels like a very late reaction to my injection, my arm, all of a sudden, feels heavy and burdened. It might be something else. My brain is a foggy maze, sometimes it snows and I pretend to be a snow rabbit hiding inside my mind.…
Die gelbe Tapete 